Saturday, December 28, 2013

Day 114-Ring Gunk

So I feel like it's starting to get bad again, slowly. I'm getting redder again, not sleeping through the night again...Anyway here I am on my lunch, as always in my car. Also I apologize for the purple ring in the photo. I just finished cleaning out my iphone case again, and apparently didn't secure the outer case. Stupid Otter cases.

When I got back into work I was looking at my hands and realized how dirty my ring was. Guess what that is?!

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Day 112- Happy Holidays!!!

This was the best Christmas we've had for a while. I personally celebrate Yule but ya know...I make compromise. No families (duh) Just me and the fiance. It was wonderful. We ate delicious food, (we both cooked) played games and spent well needed time together. I was on edge for the begingng of the day. I was so worried something wasn't gonna go right. I was ready, almost waiting for something to go wrong. I almost burned the ham. But everything ended up okay.

Didn't take too many photos but here are the few I took.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Day 106

The stingers are getting worse. Especially at night, around 1 am. They start around 11pm and intensify until 1am. The Itching Hour. Stingers favorite time of day. Any who-zeez.... Picture time! Once again, taken in my car on my lunch. Som of them may seem like repeats, but mostly its just a closer picture so you can see the skin and cracks and what not. Ya know! The purdee stuff. :P

 My ouchie lil feet!! The last photo here is to show how fragile my skin is. My ring accidentally pressed into my skin a lil too hard, and took a chunk out.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Day 103-Scratchy Book!!

Guess what came in the mail today?! 
Taming the Scractchy Monster is a MUST have for anyone going through TSW. Okay, so it's not a must have but I really think everyone should get it.

I've been wanting the book for soooo long, but in all honesty I couldn't really afford it. Ian bought it for me as a surprise! He was going to wait until Christmas but figured I needed it. He's so wonderful. <3

Monday, December 16, 2013

Day 102-Stress Release!!

This morning I lost it again. Screaming and snapping and my innocent sweet husband. :( I need to find a better stress release or just one in general....Just not the hubby.

I'm so unhappy. I would say depressed but I've been so much worse then this. I guess that's something to be thankful about. Our debt is exhausting and holidays are testing. When we can't afford presents for eachother on our anniversary and this is the 2nd year in a row that we couldn't afford a Christmas tree (even a fake one) it's hard to be egar for them. We're going to have to save up for two years for our wedding and hunnymoon.

When I'm not in school I get extremely hopeless. I already feel like I've fallen behind everyone as it is and I'm getting older and 18 year olds are taking the same classes with me. What if I never make it? I don't want to work retail the rest of my life.

My grandfather passed away very recently and before I cut off contact with my family I used to be very close with him. I cut out contact with my family because they are dysfunctional, abusive, negative and toxic. Ian pressured me into talking to my family, one at a time, and justifying why  I was doing this. I tried one final time to explain and reach out and I failed. But honestly it was a waste of time from the start.

So all through this year, I have been in mourning. Mourning for the family I've lost, but more, for the family I never had. So losing him for real like this and not be able to attend the funeral hurts.

But Ian, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. The first person to really believe in me, the first person to really love me.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Day 100!- Break Over?

A lil over a week into my 4th month and I am ending a break and will most likely be coming into my worst flare yet. We'll see, hopefully my symptoms won't be as bad as I'm thinking.

But you can definitely tell that "something" happened.
I'm sure my grandfathers recent death was a big contribution to my skin, but I'm sure the break was about to end anyway. Anyway enough yappin.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Day 98

My days off were awful! I won't go into details, but I didn't get any Rest or Relaxation. I didn't even get any time with the Husband! Anyway, now that' I'm back at work feeling completely exhausted, and all I want is a day off. These are really bad photos, but better than none.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

Day 94

Still enjoying the break.

I recently went and got my doxepin and that's really been helping me sleep. I feel like I'm getting a break all over, which is very appreciated!

I mentioned previously that when my skin is at it's flares and breaks I'm not as active. I want to explain better why.

When my skin is in a flare, everything hurts. Breathing hurts. I'm in such pain, that it literately goes all the way down to the nerve. I'm always in pain and I'm always cold. I'm dry, flaky, bleeding and cut up x100. I do as little as possible, even surfing the web.

With my breaks, everything I said up there and more is all in hibernation. This is the best it's going to get. BUT I"LL GLADLY TAKE IT!

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Day 93- Month 3

I can't believe it.
3 months.
I'm still in the middle of a break and am I enjoying it. Many extreme cuts have now healed and the redness isn't as vibrant. I'm still very swollen, and I know this because my engagement ring (which was too big when I received it) is almost too tight to get off. But even so I'm still scared of what's to come.

When I got home from work this is what I had waiting for me.

The fiance went and got me new gauze, epsom salt and Vaseline. Even got my bowel ready and candy after. Isn't he sweet!? I'm so lucky I have him. With him by my side, I can get through anything, even this.

Friday, December 6, 2013

Day 92- I Feel Pretty

Oh so pretty!

Straightened my hair this morning because I had a little extra time. Notice the "elephant-ness" on my face. I usually always smirk when I smile. I'm kinda known for it. So I posted a comparison picture from like 6 years ago...but ya know. At this point I was at extremes and had just gotten a kennalog shot. But I was clear for like 6 months.

What a difference. One day...I'll look like that again.... WITHOUT steroids. Anyway back to the present. :(
Feet are staring to feel even more wrath.

Here I am a few hours later on my lunch, in muh car. :(
I tried to smile...because I still felt pretty...
This is soo hard.