Day 52

Better today, I slept in late again but not too late. But I stayed up until 3am so I could be with Ian. Class... well,,, I just went in not caring and it went better then I thought. Today I knew we were going to be picking our actors. I'm always picked last for shit so I hate it. Anyway here are some pictures I took when I got back from class. You can see all the red splotches everywhere, and the super dry skin hangnails. The Edema is also at full swing on my knees, arms, wrists, hands, face and neck.There's a new huge chuck out of the back of my left knee.

Day 51-I Fucking Lost It!

Ian and I got in a huge fight this morning over something absolutely ridiculous. But the lack of sleep from the past few night and the amount of pain I'm in caused me to snap. I threw my phone, stomped and screamed at him.

We rarely fight.
I don't normally act like this.

After tons of yelling I eventually calmed down and snapped out of it. We talked about it and I apologized profusely for my behavior...but still. Just because I'm hurting doesn't mean I can take my frustration out on Ian. I need to calm down. I need to find a better pain management, a better sleep aid...
This withdrawal is taking it's toll on me and I know that this is nothing compared to how bad it'll get.
This is a terrible photo but better then nothing. I knew it was blurry but forgot to retake it. Swollen weeping eyes.

Swollen wrist

Day 50

My skin changes drastically throughout the day. I can go through a weeping itchy fit only to have a dry flaking fest two hours later. I am constantly battling the weeping cuts on my eyelids, (see 2nd photo) which are also always itchy and usually swollen. The first photo is taken in my car around lunchtime. The 2nd photo after I get home.

 The worst at the moment is the lack of sleep (for the hubby and I) the edema, the stingers and the pieces of skin the get caught on shit. They're like hangnails....but on your skin.

Day 48-Healing

It may not seem like it but I'm really happy here. Although I'm REALLY red, I'm also healed up a lot. I usually update less when I get better so I'll try to get better about this.

Day 47

Oh the pain. The itching! The last few days have been unbearable. The weeping and crusting are starting to lessen but the nerve pain the "stingers" are starting to get worse. I'm still healing from the damage a few days ago, but here I am showing the RED. I am covered in Vaseline, just so you know. :p

For whatever reason  the front of my legs (although red) are fairly untouched. The front and back of my knees are in terrible shape. I'm happy the weeping has let up.

Day 45- Things Get Worse- Real Peak

Woke up late this morning and when I looked in the mirror I burst into tears. I can't go to class like this!? I could barley blink and I couldn't open my mouth with out it tearing my skin.

Ian went and bought some more Epsom salt for me and I sent an email to my teacher, telling her why I missed class. Not that she'll understand. No one understands, it was hard enough trying to explain eczema to people, but this...Here I am after the bath and with Vaseline on.

I hope that things calm down a little, it's already wearing me down. I don't what to do anymore. Nothing helps, everything hurts. Doing anything hurts.

Day 44- What I Was Waiting For

Member I said that I had plateaued and I was worried it would get worse? Well it did. I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night. All of the cuts on my skin kept getting irritated by my clothes and blankets. It's like having a hangnail, and all the pieces of skin/cuts are the hangnails. ALL OVER YOUR BODY! And then in the morning it's like someone turned up the red!

Everything is swollen, red and super dry. Any spots that aren't dry are weeping.  My eyelids, my chin, a spot on my stomach, a large spot on my right shoulder and a few random spots on my neck. My wrists are both so damaged I decided to wrap them in gauze. I tried to wrap my neck but it just seemed to irritate it, so I left it off. My elbows, knees, and wrists are so swollen that it hurts to bend, pretty much any where there's a crease.

I got through work fine, did get a lot of stares but at least I didn't get any attacks. I went to work wearing; an under shirt, a sweater, our company jacket, a dress jacket and a shawl. Had the heater on again on the main office, but even my other co worker got too hot and she had to shut it off. When I got home and soaked in a regular bath, the water being a littler warmer than usual. What?! I'm freezing here!  A few after the bath had a few places started weeping again, spot on the shoulder, neck, and eyelid. I also now officially have RED sleeve. Well! Lets move on with some pictures!

 

The red extends all the way to the palm of my wrist, and wraps around to fully attack the tops of my hands. I have a few cuts and lil white pus filled hives on a few of my fingers. The small patch of white on my thumb and the tops of my wrists are the real color of my skin. :(

Day 42

I woke up with a dry face, can't blink, tight skin... Nothing  is getting better, not even worse. My skin has just kinda plateaued. And that makes me nervous, and while I'm hoping for the better I think we all know it's going to get worse. It's hard when the only thing that keeps me strong is telling myself that this is nothing, that it's just going to get worse. Don't complain. That's not making me feel any better though.

Day 40-Emotionally Harder Today

I woke up this morning and couldn't move, skin tight, and eyes gooey (have been getting a lot of "eye boogers") I went straight to the shower. I wanted to try and get up early today, both of us did. But in the end, we couldn't. Ian and I were both so tired we slept in till noon. My class is at 1 and he goes to work at 4. I get home after class (depending on traffic) with 15-20 minutes of time with him. I've been so fucking lonely lately, I miss him. I don't have friends or family and most days I'm okay with that, I've come to terms with it. But for whatever reason it's harder today. Maybe it's because Ian's birthday is tomorrow and he's depressed about it. I work, so I can't be there. Both of us are super depressed, and the only thing that makes our day better is each other, and we never see each other.

Before I left for school I tried to use some of the Zinc cream on itto help with the redness. It helped, a little. In the picture below you can see patches of peach and red, the peach was because of the zinc, but it can only do so much. :/    Here I am after class.

Day 39

Woke up late this morning! I ended up being 15 minutes late! I totally blame this one on the fiance though. I think he turned it off and went back to sleep. *Sigh* I love him. These are both taken at work. Things are healing a little, not as inflamed today. FREEZING! I used a small portable heater in the office and turned that baby on high! When one of my managers came in he said "It's so hot up here. It feels like I got punched in the face."  Ha.

Day 38

School. It's so hard to go through this and go to school, people stare. They really do. I try not to compare myself to the other girls... I just have to remind myself that I'm sick, but I'm getting better. Because of what I've learned I won't be going through this when I'm 40. Still... Here I am after class.